Narcissism is a personality disorder on a spectrum of paradoxes ranging from a healthy emotional state to one of extreme self-absorption and aggression, including sociopathic and psychopathic tendencies. The term sociopath (aka antisocial personality disorder) refers to a person with a personality disorder manifesting in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience. A psychopath sometimes considered synonymous with a sociopath, is characterized by persistent antisocial behavior, impaired empathy and remorse, and egotistical traits. A psychopath seems different in degree than a sociopath in terms of abnormal or violent social behavior, and void of conscience without consideration of consequences. Again, we are talking about a range or spectrum.
Somewhere along that range might be a borderline personality disorder, marked more by volatile emotions and images of oneself, real or imagined. Still, some common threads weave through the pathology of all these disorders. I see a narcissist as a sociopath that can approach a psychopath, with some characteristics of the BLPD entangled in the mix.
However, while a sociopath is usually “wired” that way at birth, and BLPD seems to be genetic, narcissism appears to be a learned behavior from the previous generation and is also recognized as a characteristic of most children that they eventually grow out of. We may all have these innate tendencies at some point, but indoctrination makes the disorder a program and a product of another narcissistic personality. These are damaged individuals, often viewed as “spoiled” or entitled children but lacking the love and support they truly craved; their behavior is a defense against deep unresolved hurt and neglect, disappointment, painful insecurities, and often abandonment issues.
They refuse to be accountable for their actions and blame others or conditions, et al. It is never their fault. They may feel that they were “never enough” or not accepted or loved; they belittle, criticize, and debase others to make themselves feel better about themselves or to enhance their image. Characteristics include a desire to be or appear “perfect” or “exceptional” and operate entirely out of ego, focusing only on self. Energy only flows one way, to themselves, especially considering themselves an authority or expert ignoring any other point of view, yet they tend to have an insatiable desire for attention and admiration. They demonstrate superiority, inflated ego, artificial self-importance, an apparent lack of or at least impaired empathy, and an absence of compassion, conscience, and trust; they have no understanding of feelings. Since there is no trust, they always rely on manipulation and control.
Narcissists must always appear to be “right” even when they are completely incorrect or inappropriate. They strive to be in control, excelling in deception, lies, and gaslighting. They are inept at playing the victim while being the abuser. Narcissists and sociopaths are expert liars and can often convince a therapist they are OK, and others are the problem. A narcissist is usually aware of their anti-social behaviors but, by the nature of the disorder, will not seek help or counseling; their greatest fears are to show weakness or vulnerability, be exposed for what they are; and lose control of the situation or relationship. Counseling would, of course, reveal these fears and weaknesses. They value admiration and superiority over being liked and accepted, solicit respect, and show hostility toward anyone who does not feed their ego. They have extreme adversity to criticism but are highly critical of others. They have an excessive need for external validation and look to others for the regulation of self-esteem while simultaneously holding their supporters in disdain.
Self-esteem approaches or surpasses arrogance but is fragile and insecure. Their conscious projected image does not match their unconscious feelings about themselves. Their vanity is bravado to mask their insecurities, doubts, and lack of self-esteem, and it is posturing that lures in intended targets and sources of admiration. Narcissists tend to overcompensate for whatever is lacking in them and what draws them to their targets. Self-enhancement is at the expense of others, including admirers, friends, and family.
Despite their exaggerated sense of importance, they cannot love themselves or others, often filled with self-hate or loathing. They choose superficial relationships by targeting someone opposite their pathology (those that are kind, compassionate, giving) but also co-dependent, piercing their emotional weaknesses and feeding on their emotional reactions. Any attention (energy), positive or negative, is better than none; as long as they can elicit an emotional response, they attain their “energy fix.” Narcissists are energy vampires or parasites; while quick to play victim to defend their behavior, they love to present as rescuers, heroes, and knights in shining armor. They desire to charm and attract others but only as a means to manipulate. As with many sociopathic personalities, they can “become” whatever they need to be at the time.
Since there is no sincere love or trust, their relationships are shallow, with no genuine intimacy. Love and trust would expose their vulnerability or weaknesses. They tend to live a life of anxiety and hyper-vigilance, never to let their guard down. They perpetuate their inability to have what they truly desire by shutting themselves down. Further, this personality will often go to great lengths to insulate their target from others, cutting them off from friends and family who pose a threat to them (revealing them for what they are). A narcissist might be considered an extreme shadow teacher, not because they mirror us, but because they project what they lack in themselves.
Spiritual Narcissism or Egotism believes spiritual wisdom or knowledge makes one more spiritual or unique. These personalities may have “ultra-spiritual” attitudes and use them as a shield to avoid criticism or lay blame rather than be accountable, perhaps as a subterfuge to hide an underlying disorder. This disorder is often a coping mechanism or avoidance strategy. Some people are more spiritual than others, but theirs is not authentic, and they often aspire to another teacher, expert, or professional mimicking them; but simultaneously criticizing them. They strive to impress and be admired by others; to be perceived as an authority or expert, especially in spiritual matters and teaching to boost their self-esteem and image.
They project an image of I am enlightened, and you are not; I am more gifted; I’m here to teach, not learn; I’ve done all my spiritual work. They may constantly reference their achievements (actual or not, and most likely exaggerated either way). They have an unwavering belief that their views and perspectives are above reproach, with adversity to any challenges or alternate points of view, using their spirituality or concepts as justification for their behavior. When challenged, they might claim others cannot understand their level, or that their truths come from a higher source.
They tend to overuse spiritual buzzwords and reference spiritual concepts about everything to the point it is challenging to have a normal conversation with them.
Behavior is overly “transcendental” and acting as if highly evolved, but is more times just the ego pretending; they choose this façade rather than integrating ego and soul. They essentially fake the process and cause more separation from their authentic self; their spirituality is exaggerated but deficient. They often claim high awareness of shadows and mirrors but never do the work they teach others as necessary.
The big lesson here is Boundaries; Accountability; Self-love and protection; Observing without emotional reaction (indifference). Treatments are not for the narcissist but their targets or victims and include: counseling on all the above; cutting cords; dismemberment; the Golden Net; dissolving all old unfavorable contracts; creating new agreements; soul and power retrieval; learning indifference to diffuse the energy drain; discerning the lies and manipulation; managing one’s energy and focus; learning to release and remove oneself from the situation.
The target or victim can't sustain this constant drain nor “help” the narcissist overcome the condition; this is often a strategy and traps to hook you back in.